#4: My Personal Bill of Rights

1. I have the right to ask for what I want.
2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet.
3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
4. I have the right to change my mind.
5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
9. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings, or problems.
10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.
13. I have the right to feel scared and say "I'm scared."
14. I have the right to say "I don't know."
15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
    
16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
20. I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
22. I have the right to change and grow.
23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
25. I have the right to be happy.

#3: Forget About the Past

"There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past. There is a reason they didn't make it to your future."

~Author Unknown

I love this quote. It used to be a challenge for me to let go of people that have hurt me in the past. There were even some things that took me years to finally decide to let go of. And when I finally did, suddenly my life went in a far different direction. One that was positive. It's kind of like how you can't drive by always looking in the rearview mirror. Occasionally it's ok to glance behind you, it can remind us to continue working for what we do want, but imagine what would happen if that's what you always did. It would not be pretty. So let's live in the present. It's a much nicer place :)

#2: Courage vs Fear

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

~Mark Twain

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines courage as: "Mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty." Wikiquotes.com says, "Courage, also known as fortitude, is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation." Both of these are excellent descriptions of the word courage. I used to be one of those people who believed that in order to have courage, I had to have absolutely no fear. I wore myself into the ground trying to "be brave", trying to have no fear. And then I suffered because there were just some things that plain scared me, no matter how much I tried to work through that fear. That's when I started researching what it really means to have courage. I love how Mark Twain says that courage is the mastery of fear. It's just putting yourself in charge of how the fear effects you, it's ok to be afraid once in a while. Courage comes when you say to yourself, "I feel afraid when certain events happen in my life, and it's ok." It's all about learning how to manage your fear.

One of the greatest teachers I had in college, Judie Erickson, once said to me that fear is nothing more than:

False

Events

Appearing

Real

Fear can actually save us from harmful situations. It keeps us safe. One of the best books I have ever read is called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. He talks about how the feeling of fear warns us when we are about to find ourselves in a dangerous situation. It sparks something within us that causes us to think twice about the next step we make. Thinking back on some of the most difficult situations in my past, the feeling of fear was an excellent prediction of what was to come. And although I wasn't as in tune with my feelings then as I am now, I at least realized later how to recognize those feelings. And since then I have averted many potentially harmful situations. The most important thing is to face your fears, but only those fears that will strengthen you as a person. And just the act of facing your fears will be enough to call yourself courageous.

#1: Adversity

"Every adversity has within it the seeds of an equal or greater benefit."

~Napoleon Hill

This is absolutely one of my most favorite quotes in life, and one that has motivated me to make some of the greatest and most critical changes in my life. When you find yourself in the midst of great pain, discouragement, or heartbreak, remember that not all hope is lost. In those times, make it your goal to make something wonderful come out of that experience. Something good can ALWAYS come from an adversity. However, it is up to us to decide what that good thing is. Sometimes it will be immediately apparent, and sometimes it will take much searching and pondering before you are able to decipher what the benefit is. But be continuously looking, for it will be there. The key word is that every adversity has within it the seeds of an equal or greater benefit. A seed must be planted, and much care taken before it will blossom into something meaningful. You must do the work to gain the benefit.

New Goal for Posting

I have realized over the past few months that I just do not have the time to post on my blogs the way I had anticipated. This blog in particular was meant to be a motivational blog, to be a place for people to turn to when they need encouragement, or a new way of looking at life. I have several journals that I was planning on digging out, and copying down my mountain of information onto my blog. Well that plan is going to have to wait, because it just isn't a priority in my life right now with work and everything. SO....for the time being, I will start on my next idea for this blog. Sharing a book I have been wanting to write. Not a fancy book by any means, but a special book. I have been looking for a way to share information with Hayden for when he is older, sort of like a life lessons book. There is a lot of simple things I wish I would have thought of as a teenager and a young adult. Things that would have saved me from a mountain of trials. I just want it to have little tidbits of info, nothing too in depth, but things that he can ponder on. And things that are funny also, so he can get a good laugh. So back to my goal....I'm going to post something every day, a quote or bit of information that will hopefully encourage, inspire, and make you just plain laugh.

Great Quote

The power to learn is present in everyone's soul and the instrument with which each learns is like an eye that cannot be turned around from darkness to light without turning the whole body. -Plato

The World And Me

Here is a poem I wrote in 2007. This knowledge is a culmination of quite a few years of struggling and working very hard to reach what I felt I should be.

*The world would say I can never be normal. I believe that normal is whatever I decide it is.
*The world says would call me a victim. I call myself a survivor.
*The world says I am weak when I fall. I say I am stronger when I get back up.
*The world says pain can never be a gift. I say it's one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given.
*The world says a wounded heart can never heal. I say a wounded heart knows how to love more fully.
*The world says I will forever live my life in fear. I say I am one of the most brave people I know.
*The world says that life is a dark, scary place. I am using my light to make it brighter.
*The world says that his is a dark, cold place to be in. But beautiful things come from the dark.
*The world says I don't have a chance. I say I have every chance in the world.
*The world defines failure as falling down. I define failure as staying down.
*The world says that to be able to love myself, I must get it from others first. But I believe that I must love myself to be able to receive it from others.
*The world defines forgiveness as letting go of the hurt. I define forgiveness as unconditionally loving the person who hurt you.
*The world believes in conditional love. I believe in unconditional love.
*The world believes in changing who you are to fit a certain set of standards. I believe in accepting me for me and creating my own set of standards.
*The world believes I deserve what I get. I believe I get what I deserve.
*The world believes in mastery of others. I believe in mastery of self.
*The world believes in creating war. I believe in creating love.
*The world believes that life is what it is. I believe that life is what I make it.
*The world believes in remaining wounded. I believe in healing and that recovery is possible.
*The world says that having strength is having power over people. I believe that real strength is being gentle.
*The world believes that perfection is having no pain, no problems, no wounds, no scars, no sorrows. I believe that excellence is working through the pain, working through the problems, healing the wounds, accepting the scars, and turning the sorrow in to joy.
*The world believes that there is no purpose to life. I believe in creating a purpose for life.
*The world sees life in black and white. I paint my life any color that I want it.
*The world believes that what you get makes a life. I believe that what you give makes a life.
*The world believes in control. I believe in influence.
*The world believes in sameness. I believe in greatness.
I wrote this poem on February 3, 2008 while on a peer mentor retreat. During this retreat I made some of my biggest chinks up and as a result this poem came to light. I read it while we were doing our processing, not intending it to be a peom. This has some of my biggest life lessons contained in it.